It’s been a while. Well, what can I say? I have been totally
overwhelmed. First semester is over and I can say I survived. Barely!!
Let me start by telling the good news that I got an interview for the
McMaster Midwifery program. Hooray!! The interview took place on April 13,
right in the middle of my final exams for my first semester of Practical
Nursing. Now let me tell you how those last couple of weeks of school went for
me. Just five days before the interview I fell ill with some crazy virus and
Strep B infection. I was so sick that I had to go to the emergency room and
spend the night there with IV medication. What probably led me to getting so
sick was the amount of stress I was under that particular week. I was extremely
nervous about the upcoming interview, I had final exams and my girls had a
four-day dance competition about 1 ½ hour away from where we live. I felt
stretched in all directions and the constant re-shifting of plans didn’t seem
to make it work. I felt I had a thousand balls up in the air and all of a
sudden I dropped them all. I was so sick that I just lay there in my dark
bedroom and watched all the balls crash right in front of me as they smash the
floor. I missed my daughter receiving her first dance special award, I missed
half of my exams and I almost missed my interview. The antibiotic I was on was
taking forever to work and I ended up having a reaction to it the day before
the interview. I cried… and I prayed… For some miraculous reason I was able to
get up and dressed, and my good friend drove me to the interview.
I can’t describe what that day was like. My mind was a fog;
from being so sick and from all the medications I had been taking. When I think
back at that interview day it reminds me of a surreal experience in a different
realm. I have no incline if I got in or not. All I know is that I just wanted
to cry as I left the interview. I could barely stand up as I was reading the
questions prior to entering the rooms and at the last station I just coughed
about 2/3 of the time I was in there. When I left that room I was just glad
that it was over and I could go back to my bed. This is not how I had
anticipated it to go. I had heard so many people say, "go and have
fun", and though nervous, I was really looking forward to experiencing it.
That is, until I got sick.
Now the wait starts. The first week went really fast as I
was still pretty sick and had all my exams to catch up. I’m all done now and
have two weeks off from school. The wait is starting to get to me. On one hand
I don’t want those two weeks to go by fast because if I don’t get in I’ll have
to start another semester, which will run through the entire summer. But I also
want to find out if I have been accepted. I just can’t find words to describe
the feeling of what it is like to have your entire future depend on the news if
you have been accepted or not to a university program. The limbo feeling of
just not knowing is awful. So here I am, waiting again to find out which
direction my life will take. Only this time, I don't have a portal to
obsessively check. I'll just have to wait for that email to come in.
