I am finally on holiday after fishing
all my electives during the spring semester. I am so happy that I got
these out of the way. I have two months off now and there is so much I
want to do. Everything that I wanted to do during the school
year that got postponed is shouting at me saying me, me, me… pick me! I
don’t even know where to start. Read great books? Write on the blog? Watch movies? Gardening? Relax by the
pool? Play with the kids? So much to do,
so little time. When I talk to some of my colleges from the MEP they
all seem excited about what is in store for us in September. I? Well, not
so much. Maybe it is because I haven’t really had a break since I was
doing all my elective courses until now, and haven’t really had time
to recharge and look forward to next year’s school. But maybe it is
because I got a little disappointed with my first year at the MEP.
Yup! There, I said it. I thought that I would love the program
and was very excited to start. Before I became officially a midwifery
student, I have always been a self-directed midwifery student.
I already had midwifery books that I read for fun, I subscribed to more
than one midwifery journal, I constantly read research as part of my
teaching prenatal classes, I observed midwives working while I worked
as a doula and I supported moms and helped them make informed decisions. After starting the MEP I felt I took
a step back in my midwifery-learning journey. I know a lot of the things
we learned in that first year are foundation for other things I
will need to know, but I am also certain that I learned things
that no midwife will ever need to know. There was very little focus
on midwifery and I felt very disconnected from pregnancy and birth
and missed the contact and relationship I had with expecting mothers. A lot
of time was spent on non-midwifery related classes and even the
sciences could have been much more midwifery related.
I hear that next semester will be
more midwifery focused as we will be preparing for our clinical placements
and I hope that I will feel more involved with the birth world. I also hear
that semester will be a heavy one, and at the moment I
can't even think about starting school again since I literally just
finished. I had planed to study pharmacotherapy lectures during the summer
to become at least a bit more familiar with the terminology, but I decided
that I need a break more than anything. Also when I think about September I get a little stressed out as we will need to make
our bids for the Normal Childbearing placement lottery. This lottery
scares me so much! For those reasons, I decided that for the
next two months I will only busy myself with my family, cooking
gourmet healthy meals, enjoying my pool, camping, taking care
of my house and reading food blogs, which are my latest obsession. I
want to relax and stop feeling the need that I have to be
efficient with my time all the time. I want to do the dishes
slowly, sip my morning coffee while lying in my hammock and listen to the birds
sing. Time is such a privilege in my life at the moment. I still find
myself hurrying and scheduling my day to be as productive as possible. During the school year time is my enemy. It is always biting me
and telling me to go faster, faster, faster. There are not enough hours in
the day to accomplish all that is required of me and I often find my heart
racing with anxiety. Today, I am making a conscious decision to slow down and savor
the moment.
Happy summer times!
