The wait continues...

I’m having a really hard time writing in the blog lately. I’m not quite sure why, because lack of time is not an issue right now. Maybe it’s because there are so many things I want to write about and can’t focus on something to get started. I have written at least five posts in my head, but never seem to be able to organize my thoughts once at the computer. I know that feeling all too well. You know, when you have to start an essay. I know what I want to write about, I have a million ideas of what to say, but once in front of the computer my mind just goes blank.

I was planning on writing once I was in Brazil again, at the end of February for a week. This time I stayed with another cousin, and he lives right in front of the beach. I mean, I could see and hear the waves from the balcony of his apartment.  I went to the beach every day, all day long, and it was once more very refreshing for my health as well as my mind. But it wasn’t until I was flying back and at 37000 feet altitude somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, that I started to think about my upcoming placement. What triggered me to think of it was the sheer exhaustion of an 11 hour, red eye flight. As I toss and turn on my narrow seat, I started to think of how I was going to cope with all the sleepless nights, long hours, the learning curve, and the stress of being under pressure all the time. I mean, I have worked as a doula before and know well what is like to be up all night at a birth. However, after the birth I would have days to recover and that won’t be the case in midwifery.

View from my cousin's apartment in Rio

My daily meditation

You know, this placement is approaching faster than I can catch my breath, and I’m starting to get really nervous. Actually, I can say that a little panic is beggining to set in as I hear from many of my colleagues that they are at the end of their rope. They are almost there with only four weeks left of placement, and it is normal to feel fatigued and discouraged. I remember feeling exactly the same way at the end of every semester. I always survived so I keep telling myself this placement should be no different.

To calm my nerves and see if I would get excited again about midwifery, I started re-reading some of my favorite midwifery novels. Many of those novels inspired me to be a midwifery student even more than I already wanted and I remember when I read them for the first time, midwifery was still a far away dream for me, or I was still in the grueling process of becoming admitted to the MEP. Now I’m a second year midwifery student starting her first placement really soon and about to get a taste of the real thing. The books that I love the most are “baby Catcher “ by Peggy Vincent, “Lady’s hands, Lion’s heart” by Carol Leonard” and the “Birth House” by Ami McKay. I have to say the trick worked. I’m once more getting excited about being involved with births. It is great to read those books as a student, knowing that I will be a midwife very soon. Pregnant women and births have always been my passion and a huge part of my life, and as I have said before, I never felt so disconnected from it since I have started the MEP program. I am aware that this is about to change big time as soon as I start this placement and I will probably be begging to not see another pregnant woman in front of me by the time I’m almost done. But right now I just want to feel connected with the birth world again and devour new knowledge.

I still have another four weeks before my placement start and even though this may seem like an eternity for my colleagues doing their placement in the winter term and counting the days to be finished, I know it will fly for me. Especially because I have two trips planned for the end of April. I will meet my dad in California and take a road trip through Los Angeles, San Francisco, through the mountains (we will visit Lake Tahoe), down to Las Vegas, through the Grand Canyon and end up in Phoenix. I will then fly back home, will have two days to get my house back in order after being gone for 10 days (which I tell you, it will not be good), pack and leave for Orlando with my Family. We will be spending 4 days there and will visit Universal Studios. At this point, my dad will also have flown from Phoenix to Tampa beach and will meet my family and I in Orlando. He won’t be coming with us to the parks because he is there for an aviation fair. My dad is a pilot and, oh! by the way, so is my husband. Just in case you were wondering how the heck do I get to do all that travelling, pay tuition, be a full-time student and support 5 children. Yup, I get almost free tickets with Air Canada. Pretty cool, eh? That makes me think of where could I go for one of my electives in third year, which could be an international placement.

Allright, I think I will stop now, and this could be a topic for another post.