The Roller-Coaster Ride

Ok, I need to relax now. There is only so much one can do before school starts without killing yourself. Why do I feel I’m not ready? What am I waiting for? Will I ever feel ready? I think it’s time to let go, take a deep breath and plunge into my new life chapter. I know my biggest challenge with the Midwifery Program will be letting go of control. Control of my time, my house, my family…. I need to trust that the world will not stop if I suddenly disconnect from it and submerge myself into Midwifery.  I’m sure I’ll be fine once I start the program, but the anticipation of these last few days is hard to bear.  In 3 days I will be walking into the McMaster University building as a midwifery student. It feels like waiting to go on a roller-coaster ride. After waiting in line for what feels like forever you begin the long way up. Up the track, Ka-klink-ka-klink-ka-klink-ka-klink. That’s been my summer. As I now sit at the top, I’m taking a pause to admire the view and look how far I have come. It has been a long ride up here. The scenery is beautiful, and it promises an astonishing ride, but I’m scared. I feel a mix of excitement and fear; what a paradox!   My heart is pumping hard, and I realize I’m holding my breath. I know that any time now it will feel like the bottom is dropping out from under me and everything in my life will have suddenly changed. I’m about to find out how strong I am and how resilient my family is.

I’m looking forward to the wind blowing my hair even though the speed will increase by the second. I know there will be highs and lows, dips and turns and times where everything is upside down, but the excitement rushes through me like the water in a river. This is the biggest and scariest ride I have taken. I can’t wait to hear the screams of all 30 of us as we embark in this breath-taking ride, yet I’m the most scared I have ever been. As I let the panic settle in and savor every bit of it I say, “Let the adventure begin!”

30 days before school starts!

Only 30 days left before school starts. 4 weeks. 1 month. But who is counting, right? I'm starting to get butterflies on my stomach. Last week a future colleague and I organized a BBQ for the class of 2017. An opportunity for us to get to know each other before we start the program in September. I thought it would make us more relaxed though orientation week if we already knew each other. Once classes start it gets so busy that it can take a long time before you actually get an opportunity to just hang out and chat.

The BBQ was awesome! The weather was awful! It was supposed to be a pool party but thunder-showered a lot and it got really windy. The kids didn’t seem to care and almost didn’t leave the pool & trampoline. Later when some lightning got our attention they got scooted in and watched some movies instead. They got along very well and it sounded like they weren’t even there. Of course that changed when the smell of food caught their attention and they all came flying to the kitchen like bumble bees going for nectar (the little ones) or rhinos hunting for their prey (teenagers). Kids that I didn’t even know were in the house appeared! All together: 16 kids.

There were 9 of us from our class. I felt a genuine warm connection right away. Some of us were seeing each other for the first time. We all felt so comfortable with each other. It was like a bunch of friends having a good time. Of course there was birth talk. You cannot get a bunch of women passionate about birth together and not talk about birth. But mostly we were getting to know each other. We talked about what had led us to the Midwifery profession, we shared resources … I am so lucky and honored to have those women as my colleagues. I can’t wait to meet the other 21! 


I can already taste the first week of school. I know those 30 days are going to fly. Most of what I wanted to get done before school starts is already done and I'm starting to feel ready. 30 days and the adventure will start.